Saturday, May 14, 2011


Well Here I am.  I so didn’t do the 90 days.  It’s not that I didn’t want to and it’s not that I don’t think about it every day.  I have lacked so much motivation, so much joy, so much of who I am in the past few months.  It’s unbelievable how much your life gets turned upside down and how that so greatly effects things in your life that you are already struggling with.  I took the week after Mike got laid off, off from working out.  I wish I that I had that crazy in my that instead I would have worked out double, gone out for a run, a bike ride, take the dogs for several walks a day etc etc.   But no.  I stop.  Every night I tell myself no more excuses, today you are going to get up and you are going to go work out.  And every night I tell myself, “Melissa you didn’t get up today, no wonder you feel like crap, get up and work out in the morning” and it becomes a VICIOUS cycle.  
I looked at pictures today.  Pictures of when I had lost about 50 or so pounds.  Oh my gosh. I fell in love with myself again there. I loved how I felt, how I talked to myself, how I treated myself, how clothes shopping felt, how free I felt and how confident I felt.  I stopped comparing myself and started loving on myself.  Wow, I miss those days.  I keep looking back at what went wrong.  Well a lot of things did.  I didn’t successfully wean myself off of the program I was on and I didn’t learn how to go to maintenance.  My life started to change drastically and so did my eating.  I wasn’t weighing myself often enough to realize how little things were making a big difference. 
My doctor told me I am going to have this battle forever.  I have a metabolism I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.  It’s in my body make up and so I need to learn to deal with it.  She suggested diets like WW, Nutri System or Medifast.  I would LOVE I mean LOVE to try Nutri System or to do Medifast again but the fact of the matter is, I can’t.  They are too expensive and our income is just well… there isn’t one.
So here I am.  I am motivated to make the difference in my life and learn how to make that difference for ever.  I am ready to sweat, I am ready to get rid of clothes that are too big and get out my super super cute clothes that I had to put in containers in the garage and under the bed.  I am ready to truly live… I just don’t know how to make it all happen. 
I had to cancel my gym membership because, well we are just getting rid of all of the extra expenses that we can.  Even though I cancelled it is still active until June 15th.  I went today and did a Fat Burn Work out on the treadmill… hey its something.  I did 3 miles and burned 400 calories. 
Step by step, little by little.  I do need to come up with some sort of a plan though so I can keep myself accountable, I just don’t know what that is. 
P90is intense and I like it but it is hard to be motivated to do that every single day.  I may try an every other day approach or hmm… do a Zumba video one day and a p90 the next… I don’t know for sure… but I need to come up with something. 
So here I am…  I was up and then fallen and then got back up and now fallen again and now I need to find a way to be back up. 
I may post again tonight… had a “moment” while working out today… don’t have all the thoughts together yet.

1 comment:

  1. I'm struggling with motivation myself and doing the P90X. I really want to do it and did pretty good for 2 weeks then got sick but I started again today. Maybe we can help keep each other motivated through our blogs. Hope you figure out what you want to do!